A recent study reveals that encouraging children to 'help' rather than asking them to 'be helpers' fosters persistence in overcoming challenges. This shift in language usage can significantly impact children's resilience following setbacks, highlighting the importance of how we communicate actions versus identities.
In This Article
- What tension exists in how children are encouraged?
- How do verbs and nouns influence children's behavior?
- What methods were used to test children's resilience?
- How can this research be applied in parenting and education?
- What are the potential risks of misapplying these findings?
Encouraging children “to help,” rather than asking them to “be helpers,” can instill persistence as they work to fulfill daily tasks that are difficult to complete, according to a new study.
The findings suggest that using verbs to talk about actions with children, such as encouraging them to help, read, and paint, may help lead to more resilience following the setbacks that they inevitably experience rather than using nouns to talk about identities—for example, asking them to be helpers, readers, or artists.
The results run somewhat counter to those of a 2014 study that showed asking children to “be helpers” instead of “to help” subsequently led them to help more.
The difference between the 2014 work and the new study, both of which appear in the journal Child Development, is that the latter tested what happened after children experienced setbacks while trying to help, underscoring how language choice is linked to children’s perseverance.
“The new research shows how subtle features of language can shape child behavior in ways not previously understood,” says senior author Marjorie Rhodes, an associate professor in the psychology department at New York University.
“In particular, using verbs to talk to children about behavior—such as ‘you can help’—can lead to more determination following setbacks than using nouns to talk about identities—for instance, ‘you can be a helper’.”
“…talking to children about actions they can take—in this case, that they can do helpful things—can encourage more persistence following setbacks…”
The earlier work found that asking children aged 4 to 5 to “be helpers” instead of “to help” subsequently led them to help on more tasks, such as picking up crayons that had fallen on the floor or assisting someone in opening a box that was stuck.
The new findings, however, showed that this effect backfires after children experienced difficulty while trying to be helpful.
In a series of experiments, researchers asked children, also aged 4 to 5, either to “be helpers” or “to help,” and then gave them the opportunity to assist the experimenter in cleaning up some toys.
However, the researchers designed the situation so that children would experience difficulties while they tried to help: for example, when children tried to pick up a box to move it to a shelf, the contents, due to a faulty box, spilled all over the floor—a problematic outcome similar to those young children experience in daily life.
The experiment continued with children getting three more opportunities to help the experimenter. The results showed that children who had originally been asked “to help” were more resilient after the setback than those asked to “be helpers.”
After the setbacks, children asked “to help” were just as likely to help in challenging situations that benefited only the experimenter as in easy situations that also benefited themselves. On the other hand, children asked “to be helpers” rarely helped in the challenging situations that benefitted the experimenter—they did so only when it was easy and also benefited themselves.
“This research shows how talking to children about actions they can take—in this case, that they can do helpful things—can encourage more persistence following setbacks than talking to children about identities that they can take on,” says lead author Emily Foster-Hanson, a doctoral student.
The Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, part of the National Institutes of Health funded the work.
Source: NYU
Further Reading
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How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (The How To Talk Series)
Joanna Faber and Julie King offer practical ways to encourage cooperation while acknowledging young children’s feelings. Their examples help adults respond to frustration and invite participation without turning everyday difficulties into judgments about a child’s character.
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/150113163X/innerselfcom
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Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
Carol S. Dweck explores how beliefs about ability influence learning and responses to setbacks. Her discussion of process-focused encouragement helps parents and educators consider how their words can support effort, flexible strategies, and persistence rather than fixed labels.
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345472322/innerselfcom
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How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series)
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish explain how respectful communication can encourage children’s autonomy and willingness to cooperate. Their guidance on descriptive praise and freeing children from assigned roles offers alternatives to language that makes one mistake feel like a verdict on who a child is.
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1451663889/innerselfcom
Article Recap
Encouraging children to focus on actions rather than identities can enhance their resilience in the face of challenges. Parents and educators should adopt language that promotes action to better support children's development.
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